Late Nights with You

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I still recall those solemn and cold December nights. I spent my December nights wishing you were always up there staring back at me as I stare in your eyes. And when I stare into your eyes, I get lost in that dark void. I felt surreal as if I had no problems as long as I kept my eyes on you. You brought me into a new light. The piano will play and the choir starts to sing joyful and tender hymns. It brought chills to my spine. But then again, that was December. Now that you’re gone, it’s just me and the songs that I used to love which now brings me uttermost sorrow. I am constantly reminded that you won’t be here anymore. I am reminded of your absence. As much as I want you back, there’s no denying that I won’t see you anymore. All of those nights are just memories now. Whenever I’m sad, I just picture you in your majestic white clothes with golden rays of lights beaming out from behind. The lights make you look special. You look very angelic, like the creatures who stand by us when we sleep. You are something. You always look back at me when I look. You always smile at everyone. When you look me in the eye and laid something special on my hand, I could feel my cheeks turning red and my body stiffens.

I still remember how you would forget your words; how you’d smile after your mindless mistakes. People look at you with smiling eyes. We’re all waiting for your words. Oh how I wish you saw how my eyes glistens when you are near, how my heart beats uncontrollably and how sweaty I become. I remember having listened to 236 songs and only one guy in my mind – you. But it doesn’t matter anymore, ‘cause now, you’re gone. You left me. I left you first, but I came back. Now, there’s no hope for us anymore, I hope you knew how I felt and all of these could be a blur because you might still be with me. We had so much to remember. I have so much to remember. I don’t want to ever forget you but I have to. I’m killing myself with hope of you and me together. I’m growing tired and old too. I have to save my time on more important things than you.

Just don’t ever doubt that you became a priority on a fraction of my life. You were once the most important thing to me. I’ll never regret falling for you. Thank you.x

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There was something about you
The first time my eyes gazed upon you
I knew for sure what I’d  truly feel about you
“I wouldn’t like you”

A month has passed and still that’s what I felt about you
But then on a certain situation
You quickly grabbed my hand
And I unconsciously grabbed your hand back

I don’t know why
Yet at first I hated the feeling of your hand against mine
Time passed and I felt fine with it
And when our hands parted, it’s like I wanted more

You said something about what I wore that night
I thought it was a compliment
I hope you knew you complimented me
Because of that, I smiled all the way home

You made me smile
You made me laugh
And I misjudged you
You were something all this time

You held my hand again
You gave me a high-5
I wasn’t even asking for it
But you did and the thought of you makes me glad

But you suddenly left
Like nothing happened that night
We had fun, we told stories
AND YOU LEFT ME THINKING

WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU?

You stopped talking to me
And you broke my heart
In a blink of an eye
That was it…

All I could hope for is the best
Please tell me how you truly feel
Don’t suffocate me with your dead silence
Say it’s me all along

Say you want to hang out again
Say you want to hear me say your name
Say you will never break me
Say you think me

This is it
I will never ask anything from you
Just tell me
Was it all nothing to you?

 

 

Adventure Hits!

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A week before my Senior High School program starts, I decided to travel to Baguio, Philippines. I was in a tight budgeted trip and my visiting days are short for I have to be home on Monday Morning. I left on Friday Evening and was back on Monday Morning.

I have to say, Camp John Hay, was the absolute bomb! Indeed, I’ll be back for Baguio.

And afterwards, I had to travel as fast as I can back to Germany and back to Philippines again. Talk about jet-lag/bus-lag.

 

Here are some of my photos,



Hope y’all like it. Come and visit Baguio soon! Tune in for more

 

Drowning

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Have you ever felt that sudden intense gush of cold sugars inside your veins? 

I haven’t… or maybe I did. I just didn’t realized it yet that time.
I’m struggling to keep the expectation of others. And it stifles my throat reducing my oxygen intake. I can’t take it anymore but at the same time I still want to pursue what I want- what they want for me to accomplish.


I wanna drown. Then float back up again with loss of control. I grew cold, colder and colder each minute. 

But at the sound of the chimes played harmoniusly by the wind, I heard Him. He wants me to want something something the world cannot provide. For all the world can give is temporary, they perish. 
  

Move, Forget, Pursue

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It had been a week
That I’ve felt so meek

He had me in his smile

An asset which is so beguile
I’ve placed my time and effort

Up until I can take it to court

I’ve placed my energy that cease 

Which now just mere fantasies 
We’ve had our moment

You’ve earned my acknowledgment 

That’s that and it’s over

Left like the Mar’s rover
I have to get out

Roam round and about

Just to run, just to move

I need to find my new groove
Each time I close my eyes

A clear image of him defies

My thought are his

Someone I’ll truly miss 
I’m moving on, trying to

The pain is yours to sue

Probably now I’ve wrote you

Tons of poems about my blue
I’m sorry but I have to forget

It’s time to have my mind set

Clearly, there’ll be no us

All we ever had was a fuss!
Even if our lives meet again

My feelings have to be bargained

I have to control myself

A true blessing to oneself
I have to even if it hurts

Still my pen your name blurts 

Recalling your name

Is making me to be blame
Now it’s over, done!

My lapses of chances will be gone

I’d have to pursue someone else

I’d have to achieve something else

TRY

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I’m in love with you
If you ever had a second life
Will you ever be able to tell me too so?
Even if I had ten, I’d tell you nevertheless

I sound weird… I’m gonna laugh at all of this poems honestly

I saw you yesterday
and just right before I woke up
your traces follow me 
everywhere I go

As hard as I try to ignore 
the harder the pain gets
and I feel like wringing my neck

I tried to stop it
believe me I did
yet every time I try
it all dates back to your smile

That night my heart was racing 
beating fast like drums
You smiled at me 
and I saw an angel 

Not entirely sure what I felt
but it is different
like I wanna see you and know you 
but I restrain the situation

I want you to disappear
The more I have you here
Pain gets felt more
when you leave

People come and go
although you came 
and it’s your time to go
Say you’ll remember me

Say you’ll remember the feeling
Say you’ll relive it one more time
Say you’ll never forget my words
Say you’ll love me in another lifetime

By then I’d be at peace
By then you’d be honored
I might have loved someone else
But never the way I loved you 

On sleepless days
On tiring hours
My thoughts are you
and how happy we could be 

But the silence of our situation
gravely separated us
I held on tight
you let go

You thought I did
but it was you
I tried, I really did
You didn’t

I thought it was fine
although largely unaccepted
I let my feelings drown me
I let you drown me

Now I have to be strong
smart and careful
I’m an easy prey
That’s why I feel dead now

 

It is wrong

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I fell, yes I really did
Not off a plight of stairs, not off a cliff
I fell for him and he did so as well
We fell together, not in love, but apart

So I liked him and he did too
But the time, the situation, the people
They are like scissors ripping our attached strings
We were in love but there are things to let go

He was tied, tied to a vow he made years ago 
I was tied to anxiety to never share what I feel
Too scared, too late, too sorrowful
And our ways became parallel, never again to meet

He loved me and I loved him back
Some say it's what truly matters
Most say we were wrong
Like love is a curse for people

Some things are forever if we fought for them 
But we didn't even look, didn't even try
Maybe some love weren't meant to be fought for
True love can also be letting go, love is patient 

He loved me, I loved him too
Others maybe against it
Yet I'll continue to love him 
Even when he could feel like a stranger

I'll keep this love with my soul
Every silent breath of mine whispers his name
I'll keep this love to myself
Every dream of mine will be a secret

Though I may find others to live with
Others whom I can marry and hold hands with
I'll continue loving you, yes, you
And I'll wait and wait until my last breath

When I wake up in after life 
You'd be there, promise you'll be
We'd be happy for we are together
When it would be okay to actually be

 


 *Turns out we weren't wrong for all we did was love