Move, Forget, Pursue

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It had been a week
That I’ve felt so meek

He had me in his smile

An asset which is so beguile
I’ve placed my time and effort

Up until I can take it to court

I’ve placed my energy that cease 

Which now just mere fantasies 
We’ve had our moment

You’ve earned my acknowledgment 

That’s that and it’s over

Left like the Mar’s rover
I have to get out

Roam round and about

Just to run, just to move

I need to find my new groove
Each time I close my eyes

A clear image of him defies

My thought are his

Someone I’ll truly miss 
I’m moving on, trying to

The pain is yours to sue

Probably now I’ve wrote you

Tons of poems about my blue
I’m sorry but I have to forget

It’s time to have my mind set

Clearly, there’ll be no us

All we ever had was a fuss!
Even if our lives meet again

My feelings have to be bargained

I have to control myself

A true blessing to oneself
I have to even if it hurts

Still my pen your name blurts 

Recalling your name

Is making me to be blame
Now it’s over, done!

My lapses of chances will be gone

I’d have to pursue someone else

I’d have to achieve something else

TRY

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I’m in love with you
If you ever had a second life
Will you ever be able to tell me too so?
Even if I had ten, I’d tell you nevertheless

I sound weird… I’m gonna laugh at all of this poems honestly

I saw you yesterday
and just right before I woke up
your traces follow me 
everywhere I go

As hard as I try to ignore 
the harder the pain gets
and I feel like wringing my neck

I tried to stop it
believe me I did
yet every time I try
it all dates back to your smile

That night my heart was racing 
beating fast like drums
You smiled at me 
and I saw an angel 

Not entirely sure what I felt
but it is different
like I wanna see you and know you 
but I restrain the situation

I want you to disappear
The more I have you here
Pain gets felt more
when you leave

People come and go
although you came 
and it’s your time to go
Say you’ll remember me

Say you’ll remember the feeling
Say you’ll relive it one more time
Say you’ll never forget my words
Say you’ll love me in another lifetime

By then I’d be at peace
By then you’d be honored
I might have loved someone else
But never the way I loved you 

On sleepless days
On tiring hours
My thoughts are you
and how happy we could be 

But the silence of our situation
gravely separated us
I held on tight
you let go

You thought I did
but it was you
I tried, I really did
You didn’t

I thought it was fine
although largely unaccepted
I let my feelings drown me
I let you drown me

Now I have to be strong
smart and careful
I’m an easy prey
That’s why I feel dead now

 

It is wrong

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I fell, yes I really did
Not off a plight of stairs, not off a cliff
I fell for him and he did so as well
We fell together, not in love, but apart

So I liked him and he did too
But the time, the situation, the people
They are like scissors ripping our attached strings
We were in love but there are things to let go

He was tied, tied to a vow he made years ago 
I was tied to anxiety to never share what I feel
Too scared, too late, too sorrowful
And our ways became parallel, never again to meet

He loved me and I loved him back
Some say it's what truly matters
Most say we were wrong
Like love is a curse for people

Some things are forever if we fought for them 
But we didn't even look, didn't even try
Maybe some love weren't meant to be fought for
True love can also be letting go, love is patient 

He loved me, I loved him too
Others maybe against it
Yet I'll continue to love him 
Even when he could feel like a stranger

I'll keep this love with my soul
Every silent breath of mine whispers his name
I'll keep this love to myself
Every dream of mine will be a secret

Though I may find others to live with
Others whom I can marry and hold hands with
I'll continue loving you, yes, you
And I'll wait and wait until my last breath

When I wake up in after life 
You'd be there, promise you'll be
We'd be happy for we are together
When it would be okay to actually be

 


 *Turns out we weren't wrong for all we did was love

Scared

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 I meet dangers upon my way
as visible as the night that is

I am constantly being kept awake
adhering to some notions that would not
benefit me, maybe it would but I don’t feel it

It’s terrible. It makes me terrible.
I am terrible. My finger cannot
pinpoint any culprit as to any
hideous crime but myself.
It’s completely impeccable yet
it’s making me die.

I’m dying every second but
no one knows. No one knows
because no one cares. I have
given up all my cares and
now I finally have none.

Should I make a poem for you?
Or would it be an habitual gag?
I’m sorry but honestly I’m scared
Scared and worried because of nothing

I’m so scared I might lose you
Yet I’m so scared to lose myself
But when I weigh us both in my heart
I would always, always, pick you

Days will pass, our footsteps will part
My feelings? Oh, they’re irrelevant as time
The only way it could be strong and vital
Is for a tiny drip of your feelings too

I’m falling and falling and falling
I thought it was falling in love
But it turned out to be falling out of love
Because you never loved me and I’m scared

I’m scared because I was so ready
I’m scared because I feel like my lungs are stopping
I’m scared because you’re not here
Yet most of all, I’m scared of letting you go

And it continues to haunt me

To the guy who’s never gonna reciprocate the love I have for

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I swear I was destined to be wrong again

My heart kept beating loudly as a car’s siren

I was gasping for air, I couldn’t breathe

A numb sensation covered me but there were gnashing teeth

I fell, and everything that falls break

As soon as I loved you, the world’s at stake

You changed everything, you deliberately forced it to happen

Nights are grown,days are shorten

I knew for sure what I felt was real

But you struck me in my chest, took my heart out

Squeezed all the blood from it and placed it back

Maybe I’m still breathing but you killed me

You didn’t do it once, you did it everyday when I wake up

I continually sensed the pain

I abstained your action cause I love you

Even when you don’t love me  back

Now that we’re off to our own lives

You can easily throw me away like a speck of dust on your shoulder

While I continue to wail about my feelings

Yet one question kept me up all night

Do you love me too?

Just imagine the regret if you did so too.

Tingle Bingle

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Your eyes covered by those thick frames

Can see past my soul and through my heart

Your hair, the way they stay that way 

I’d think of it until you planned to shave them off

I can’t look you in the eye

Or else I’ll end up looking down smiling

 I can’t stay calm knowing you’re around

My nerves are crazy, hyped and energetic

By the way you smile, I just feel so light

Like all my problems floated with their wings

If only I could see you smile everyday

I’d live on that moment forever

My first tingle bingle and you’re the bingo

How did it ever start to be this way?

I never expected this to happen

Never knew it would be you

I like you how I like saying the word ‘like’

You’re on my mind like butter on toast

Your warm touch is something I’m searching for

But… do you like me too?

It’s hard to ask because it’s hard to know

Scared of hearing ‘no’, surprised of hearing ‘yes’

When could it be? When could we be?

We? It’s a dream, a crazy metaphoric dream

If we ever had a song, I’d name it ‘You’

You are my harmony, you are my rhyme

You keep my rhythm not in blues

You complete my music staff

Cheesy? Don’t worry I hate cheese

But I like the words ‘stuff’ and ‘food’… foodstuffs!

We can binge on some popcorn

While also binging on some film 

Tell me it’s not just me and my stupid fantasy

Is there a tiny gap for me in your heart

Or is it just me?

I don’t like that

I am judged… constantly being bickered on

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How subtle… some people really are.

Sometimes, I can’t help thinking how nice my intentions were and how I executed everything from my heart without stepping on someone. It’s funny how one statement could change everything and it all boils down to me being the bad one.

Without hearing my side, without consulting me, it’s me.

“A man is innocent unless proven guilty”

Let me just remind you, please.

Over trivial issues, you formed a squad targeting my death. Saying things repeatedly as if you were Vlad the Impaler. On the side note, I have thought of my death more than all your ideas combined. I am not scared. You taught me that. It’s ironic.

Furthermore, I just want you to know how much you’ve hurt me. You thought I hurt you, but I didn’t. You pushed through your thoughts. It hurts. It hurts the more thinking about how you slammed me. Honestly, you rely too much on your subliminal thoughts. You see yourself, you forgot there are other people around you too that you’re pushing away for no valid reason.

I am judged, worst of it all, by you.

You may know a lot but you don’t know all.

NO ONE DOES.