So I will be pretending to be that kid okay? PS. I have no thoughts of killing myself, thank you.
It has been 2 days since I saw my best friend shoot himself. I tried… I tried…. I tried to stop him. He was just standing in front of me with only 2 meters in between us. I felt the world stop at the sound of the alarming gun. I was in shock. Then blood gushed out of him and splashed all over the room. I was terrified. I just sat there with eyes wide open while a dead body lay before me. I didn’t know what to do….
My mom is sleeping in the couch, I can smell cigar and alcohol all the way here. It has always been this way since Dad cheated on her… and since then, her mother instincts for my older sister and I passed away too. If it wasn’t for sister, both of us might be dead already. But it doesn’t matter for her, I believe. She considers herself dead already, though her body is alive, she needn’t a spirit.
My sister and I had a talk earlier, she told me she’s moving on with her life and leaving hell here. “I’m going to move in with Dan, I hope you understand. This place is a mess, I can’t handle this anymore. I will be leaving you both. I can’t handle it anymore, I stopped school for you and got a job to provide your needs, I just can’t take it.” I guess I’ll be all alone then. I can’t just leave mom around, she’s mom… She was my darling. She was my angel. I can’t leave her. I guess I have to stop school and find a job tomorrow. *sigh* I’m only 15…. I guess there wasting my time complaining about my situation won’t help.
It’s not my lucky day, I can’t find a job… I haven’t eaten anything today, I gave my mom a burger the manager gave me after making me leave the fast food. I left in on her messy table, I didn’t bother talking to her. If she spent her savings to buy us food, this wouldn’t be a problem anymore. I though of calling my sister Marla to help me out, but she just shut me out. I don’t know what else to do. Our small house is so dirty and I haven’t had anything to eat today, while my mom has been using all our savings for her cigarette and liquors. I don’t know what to do.
I remember my uncle telling me to do my best to become a lawyer, he was the only one who believed in me. He helped me to win some points for the girl I have a crush on. But due to cancer, my last hope flew away.
I went out of my room today, I didn’t saw my mom sleeping. I looked to the kitchen and I saw her all dressed up and she has a large tote bag on her arm. “Mom! Where are you going?” I was smiling a bit. It’s a big change. I’ve never seen her like this before. She looks like my good ole mother. I’m so happy. She smiled at me humming ‘How deep is your love’ by BEEGEES it was her favorite things to sing to Dad before. She went out of the house and bidded “Good luck looking for a job, okay?”. I nodded.
I never had parental guidance since I was 8, the year my dad left. I’ve been living without someone looking after me. I grew without my mom and dad caring. I was so lonely. Those words made me happier and stronger.
It has been 2 days since my mom left. It’s a joke. Hahaha. My life is a joke. Hahaha Why am I always alone and left out? At school, I was bullied and alone. At my house I am nothing. It’s so sad…. Really depressing. I don’t know what’s more depressing, my mom leaving me… Or my hungry growling stomach.
More and more and more teenagers are suffering this kind of situation. This often leads to committing suicide. I’m calling out for the people who are well enough to help out.
15 million people are dying because of hunger. As creepy does that sound, most of them are children. While here we are, eating buffet all the time and leave portions of food untreated.
:) I don’t know what more to say.
Have a nice day!