You? Me?


The best words in this planet that shouldn’t be put together by the conjunction ‘and’. Probably because such a thing does not exist nor does the universe fated it to be. But all my ‘what-ifs’ led me into thinking my life with you. I’m sorry that I like you. I’m sorry for what I feel. I don’t know. I want to stop it. I want to shed it off the weight of my heart but I can’t. This predicament is leading my soul to darkness. For every time I see you all happy with another, my body starts to collapse, unwilling shattering to thousands of specks.

Two sentences this mouth can never say. I’m afraid of rejection. I’m scared of resentment. I’m worried of awkwardness. I’m afraid. I’m terrified. I’m weak. This weakling is having the worst breakdown in her mind. WHY DO I LIKE YOU?
Can somebody tell me why?
Explain it. Explain. I can’t process things. I can’t understand. I am unable.

Days passed by, I started feeling your hatred and angst for me. I don’t know why or I can’t denote how. Please stop. If you can’t accept me, respect me as a person. Darling, you’re killing my heart. You’re killing my brain. You’re killing.
And you don’t even know what you are capable of.

Actions can kill. Words can kill.
Love made me experience it.
Love? Is it something worthwhile.
Before, when I think about love, I think of a bright red-colored heart.
Now, I see you, I see your hand holding mine. Is it real? Or is it just a dream? Tell me…

Maybe I’m dumb. Maybe I’m stupid, stupid for falling. I fell.
I fell on your presence.
Your form, your scent, your smile, your hair, they all linger in my system.
Why aren’t you going away?
Why do I feel this way?
Darling, darling may I call?

I love you. Is it too early to tell?
Is it?
Or do you not feel me?
I hate you. You’re damn stupid.
Pardon, I am damn stupid.