I have written

Standard

I have written you a poem
No, it’s not about the first time we met
No, it’s not the first time you made my heart skip a beat
No, it’s not about our moments together
But rather about how stupid I was for thinking you feel the same

I once heard that
Falling in love wasn’t the stupidest thing you could do
It was thinking that he or she felt the same way about you
It led me thinking of how my one single sentiment
Can etch my heart, my brain, my soul of your name

It still hurts to hear you
Say her name with a deafening smile
That smile used to send me warmth
But only when it used to be my name
Here I am again-assuming

I was thinking of you
Yet during those times she was in your mind
I do not want to intrude your personal thoughts
So I offered you my eerie silence
I hid my bare heart from you

After all, you were not to meant to stay
I thought I could have you for a long time
But you’re as free as the air
One minute, you are here
The second, you are gone

I have written this to tell you
That you have captured me and all
And though you cannot give me back the feelings I gave you
I would still rather be alone
Than to not have you with me at all

Advertisements

Kobe-boo

Standard

“No, my dog used to gaze at me, 

paying me the attention I need, 

the attention required 

to make a vain person like me understand 

that, being a dog, he was wasting time, 

but, with those eyes so much purer than mine, 

he’d keep on gazing at me 

with a look that reserved for me alone 

all his sweet and shaggy life, 

always near me, never troubling me, 

and asking nothing. 

Joyful, joyful, joyful, 

as only dogs know how to be happy 

with only the autonomy 

of their shameless spirit. 

There are no good-byes for my dog who has died, 

and we don’t now and never did lie to each other. “

-excerpt from Pablo Neruda’s A Dog Has Died

From the moment you opened your eyes November of last year, I knew you were meant to be loved and cuddled. You were always so cheerful when I go home 🏡. You couldn’t stop wagging your tail and you couldn’t stop sniffing me although my sweat and the arid air from Manila was still on me. You loved my hugs and always begged for more. You cheered me when I was feeling down. You listened to me when I was telling you and your brother, Heinrich, to stop biting each other’s head off. I remember laughing so hard when Papa gave you that ridiculous haircut. You looked like a square watermelon. I’m sorry about that. I even recall how sad you were when you saw me laughing so you just kept looking down on the floor. 

Then one day, I noticed you weren’t as cheerful when got home for the Christmas season. I called your name “Kobe!” but you didn’t move. I looked at your eyes that time, there were tears. We immediately had you confined at the hospital. Yesterday, I visited you. And I saw how you were battling your pain. You didn’t move. But your eyes were locked to mine. 

Today, I received a call from Ate. You were in pain, Kobe, they said. They already signalled for euthanasia. You were in so much pain that they wanted you to rest. I wasn’t there, Kobe. I wasn’t. I’m sorry. When they were about to inject you, you gave Ate one last look. Then your heart stopped beating. It’s such a shame how I’ve been given this time to finally be with you then such an awful thing happened. 

You’re a gift, Kobe. You’re family. 

You have given us so much joy. Hope you’re doing fine up there. I’ll see you soon, my boy! xhalo

Late Nights with You

Standard

I still recall those solemn and cold December nights. I spent my December nights wishing you were always up there staring back at me as I stare in your eyes. And when I stare into your eyes, I get lost in that dark void. I felt surreal as if I had no problems as long as I kept my eyes on you. You brought me into a new light. The piano will play and the choir starts to sing joyful and tender hymns. It brought chills to my spine. But then again, that was December. Now that you’re gone, it’s just me and the songs that I used to love which now brings me uttermost sorrow. I am constantly reminded that you won’t be here anymore. I am reminded of your absence. As much as I want you back, there’s no denying that I won’t see you anymore. All of those nights are just memories now. Whenever I’m sad, I just picture you in your majestic white clothes with golden rays of lights beaming out from behind. The lights make you look special. You look very angelic, like the creatures who stand by us when we sleep. You are something. You always look back at me when I look. You always smile at everyone. When you look me in the eye and laid something special on my hand, I could feel my cheeks turning red and my body stiffens.

I still remember how you would forget your words; how you’d smile after your mindless mistakes. People look at you with smiling eyes. We’re all waiting for your words. Oh how I wish you saw how my eyes glistens when you are near, how my heart beats uncontrollably and how sweaty I become. I remember having listened to 236 songs and only one guy in my mind – you. But it doesn’t matter anymore, ‘cause now, you’re gone. You left me. I left you first, but I came back. Now, there’s no hope for us anymore, I hope you knew how I felt and all of these could be a blur because you might still be with me. We had so much to remember. I have so much to remember. I don’t want to ever forget you but I have to. I’m killing myself with hope of you and me together. I’m growing tired and old too. I have to save my time on more important things than you.

Just don’t ever doubt that you became a priority on a fraction of my life. You were once the most important thing to me. I’ll never regret falling for you. Thank you.x

TRY

Standard

I’m in love with you
If you ever had a second life
Will you ever be able to tell me too so?
Even if I had ten, I’d tell you nevertheless

I sound weird… I’m gonna laugh at all of this poems honestly

I saw you yesterday
and just right before I woke up
your traces follow me 
everywhere I go

As hard as I try to ignore 
the harder the pain gets
and I feel like wringing my neck

I tried to stop it
believe me I did
yet every time I try
it all dates back to your smile

That night my heart was racing 
beating fast like drums
You smiled at me 
and I saw an angel 

Not entirely sure what I felt
but it is different
like I wanna see you and know you 
but I restrain the situation

I want you to disappear
The more I have you here
Pain gets felt more
when you leave

People come and go
although you came 
and it’s your time to go
Say you’ll remember me

Say you’ll remember the feeling
Say you’ll relive it one more time
Say you’ll never forget my words
Say you’ll love me in another lifetime

By then I’d be at peace
By then you’d be honored
I might have loved someone else
But never the way I loved you 

On sleepless days
On tiring hours
My thoughts are you
and how happy we could be 

But the silence of our situation
gravely separated us
I held on tight
you let go

You thought I did
but it was you
I tried, I really did
You didn’t

I thought it was fine
although largely unaccepted
I let my feelings drown me
I let you drown me

Now I have to be strong
smart and careful
I’m an easy prey
That’s why I feel dead now

 

It is wrong

Standard
I fell, yes I really did
Not off a plight of stairs, not off a cliff
I fell for him and he did so as well
We fell together, not in love, but apart

So I liked him and he did too
But the time, the situation, the people
They are like scissors ripping our attached strings
We were in love but there are things to let go

He was tied, tied to a vow he made years ago 
I was tied to anxiety to never share what I feel
Too scared, too late, too sorrowful
And our ways became parallel, never again to meet

He loved me and I loved him back
Some say it's what truly matters
Most say we were wrong
Like love is a curse for people

Some things are forever if we fought for them 
But we didn't even look, didn't even try
Maybe some love weren't meant to be fought for
True love can also be letting go, love is patient 

He loved me, I loved him too
Others maybe against it
Yet I'll continue to love him 
Even when he could feel like a stranger

I'll keep this love with my soul
Every silent breath of mine whispers his name
I'll keep this love to myself
Every dream of mine will be a secret

Though I may find others to live with
Others whom I can marry and hold hands with
I'll continue loving you, yes, you
And I'll wait and wait until my last breath

When I wake up in after life 
You'd be there, promise you'll be
We'd be happy for we are together
When it would be okay to actually be

 


 *Turns out we weren't wrong for all we did was love

Scared

Standard

 I meet dangers upon my way
as visible as the night that is

I am constantly being kept awake
adhering to some notions that would not
benefit me, maybe it would but I don’t feel it

It’s terrible. It makes me terrible.
I am terrible. My finger cannot
pinpoint any culprit as to any
hideous crime but myself.
It’s completely impeccable yet
it’s making me die.

I’m dying every second but
no one knows. No one knows
because no one cares. I have
given up all my cares and
now I finally have none.

Should I make a poem for you?
Or would it be an habitual gag?
I’m sorry but honestly I’m scared
Scared and worried because of nothing

I’m so scared I might lose you
Yet I’m so scared to lose myself
But when I weigh us both in my heart
I would always, always, pick you

Days will pass, our footsteps will part
My feelings? Oh, they’re irrelevant as time
The only way it could be strong and vital
Is for a tiny drip of your feelings too

I’m falling and falling and falling
I thought it was falling in love
But it turned out to be falling out of love
Because you never loved me and I’m scared

I’m scared because I was so ready
I’m scared because I feel like my lungs are stopping
I’m scared because you’re not here
Yet most of all, I’m scared of letting you go

And it continues to haunt me

To the guy who’s never gonna reciprocate the love I have for

Standard

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh 1-pink-rose-robert-thomaston.jpg

I swear I was destined to be wrong again

My heart kept beating loudly as a car’s siren

I was gasping for air, I couldn’t breathe

A numb sensation covered me but there were gnashing teeth

I fell, and everything that falls break

As soon as I loved you, the world’s at stake

You changed everything, you deliberately forced it to happen

Nights are grown,days are shorten

I knew for sure what I felt was real

But you struck me in my chest, took my heart out

Squeezed all the blood from it and placed it back

Maybe I’m still breathing but you killed me

You didn’t do it once, you did it everyday when I wake up

I continually sensed the pain

I abstained your action cause I love you

Even when you don’t love me  back

Now that we’re off to our own lives

You can easily throw me away like a speck of dust on your shoulder

While I continue to wail about my feelings

Yet one question kept me up all night

Do you love me too?

Just imagine the regret if you did so too.