Windows to My Heart

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He’s from the North and I’m from South
His name sounds like an orchestra playing between my mouth
Yet we were too different, too split, and too diverse
I met him in this wide ungrateful universe

Kept my feelings hidden within my throat
Which made me feel like escaping from a sinking boat
I found him in the right time I needed
Whatever it is in me, they forbid

How do I un-love thee, my dear?
And I cannot for the heart of love is fear
I became to scared of the fact of him
Never being able to make me feel new and so I lost my beloved life hymn

It was as if the numbers of life directed me
To his path and somehow wish he’d see
How uncommon it is for me to be this way
At night, I close my eyes, and pray

And those prayers were mostly about his hue
For a while, I forgot that I was in the blue
He was red, red like the sun when it sets
While I was the pitch black sky after he sets

He was always a happy lad, if you were near him
I swear you’d get addicted with his bright beam
I just hope he knew or may be not
Ever a sad situation because of the unreciprocated love I got

He would greet me with the warmest salutation
It uplifts my soul from this world’s bitter sensation
Yes, I would stare at the window glass panes when he’s there
Little did he knew, his reflection is what they bear

I fell, fell so hard and so deep beneath the ground
All along I thought there were hands below to catch me and keep me sound
It was all in my head, all played well by my imagination and dream
But his name, his smile, him, my heart would still  scream

#I’ll spend my whole life hiding my heart away#

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Hold

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There was something about you
The first time my eyes gazed upon you
I knew for sure what I’d  truly feel about you
“I wouldn’t like you”

A month has passed and still that’s what I felt about you
But then on a certain situation
You quickly grabbed my hand
And I unconsciously grabbed your hand back

I don’t know why
Yet at first I hated the feeling of your hand against mine
Time passed and I felt fine with it
And when our hands parted, it’s like I wanted more

You said something about what I wore that night
I thought it was a compliment
I hope you knew you complimented me
Because of that, I smiled all the way home

You made me smile
You made me laugh
And I misjudged you
You were something all this time

You held my hand again
You gave me a high-5
I wasn’t even asking for it
But you did and the thought of you makes me glad

But you suddenly left
Like nothing happened that night
We had fun, we told stories
AND YOU LEFT ME THINKING

WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU?

You stopped talking to me
And you broke my heart
In a blink of an eye
That was it…

All I could hope for is the best
Please tell me how you truly feel
Don’t suffocate me with your dead silence
Say it’s me all along

Say you want to hang out again
Say you want to hear me say your name
Say you will never break me
Say you think me

This is it
I will never ask anything from you
Just tell me
Was it all nothing to you?

 

 

Move, Forget, Pursue

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It had been a week
That I’ve felt so meek

He had me in his smile

An asset which is so beguile
I’ve placed my time and effort

Up until I can take it to court

I’ve placed my energy that cease 

Which now just mere fantasies 
We’ve had our moment

You’ve earned my acknowledgment 

That’s that and it’s over

Left like the Mar’s rover
I have to get out

Roam round and about

Just to run, just to move

I need to find my new groove
Each time I close my eyes

A clear image of him defies

My thought are his

Someone I’ll truly miss 
I’m moving on, trying to

The pain is yours to sue

Probably now I’ve wrote you

Tons of poems about my blue
I’m sorry but I have to forget

It’s time to have my mind set

Clearly, there’ll be no us

All we ever had was a fuss!
Even if our lives meet again

My feelings have to be bargained

I have to control myself

A true blessing to oneself
I have to even if it hurts

Still my pen your name blurts 

Recalling your name

Is making me to be blame
Now it’s over, done!

My lapses of chances will be gone

I’d have to pursue someone else

I’d have to achieve something else

It is wrong

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I fell, yes I really did
Not off a plight of stairs, not off a cliff
I fell for him and he did so as well
We fell together, not in love, but apart

So I liked him and he did too
But the time, the situation, the people
They are like scissors ripping our attached strings
We were in love but there are things to let go

He was tied, tied to a vow he made years ago 
I was tied to anxiety to never share what I feel
Too scared, too late, too sorrowful
And our ways became parallel, never again to meet

He loved me and I loved him back
Some say it's what truly matters
Most say we were wrong
Like love is a curse for people

Some things are forever if we fought for them 
But we didn't even look, didn't even try
Maybe some love weren't meant to be fought for
True love can also be letting go, love is patient 

He loved me, I loved him too
Others maybe against it
Yet I'll continue to love him 
Even when he could feel like a stranger

I'll keep this love with my soul
Every silent breath of mine whispers his name
I'll keep this love to myself
Every dream of mine will be a secret

Though I may find others to live with
Others whom I can marry and hold hands with
I'll continue loving you, yes, you
And I'll wait and wait until my last breath

When I wake up in after life 
You'd be there, promise you'll be
We'd be happy for we are together
When it would be okay to actually be

 


 *Turns out we weren't wrong for all we did was love

To the guy who’s never gonna reciprocate the love I have for

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Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh 1-pink-rose-robert-thomaston.jpg

I swear I was destined to be wrong again

My heart kept beating loudly as a car’s siren

I was gasping for air, I couldn’t breathe

A numb sensation covered me but there were gnashing teeth

I fell, and everything that falls break

As soon as I loved you, the world’s at stake

You changed everything, you deliberately forced it to happen

Nights are grown,days are shorten

I knew for sure what I felt was real

But you struck me in my chest, took my heart out

Squeezed all the blood from it and placed it back

Maybe I’m still breathing but you killed me

You didn’t do it once, you did it everyday when I wake up

I continually sensed the pain

I abstained your action cause I love you

Even when you don’t love me  back

Now that we’re off to our own lives

You can easily throw me away like a speck of dust on your shoulder

While I continue to wail about my feelings

Yet one question kept me up all night

Do you love me too?

Just imagine the regret if you did so too.

I am judged… constantly being bickered on

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How subtle… some people really are.

Sometimes, I can’t help thinking how nice my intentions were and how I executed everything from my heart without stepping on someone. It’s funny how one statement could change everything and it all boils down to me being the bad one.

Without hearing my side, without consulting me, it’s me.

“A man is innocent unless proven guilty”

Let me just remind you, please.

Over trivial issues, you formed a squad targeting my death. Saying things repeatedly as if you were Vlad the Impaler. On the side note, I have thought of my death more than all your ideas combined. I am not scared. You taught me that. It’s ironic.

Furthermore, I just want you to know how much you’ve hurt me. You thought I hurt you, but I didn’t. You pushed through your thoughts. It hurts. It hurts the more thinking about how you slammed me. Honestly, you rely too much on your subliminal thoughts. You see yourself, you forgot there are other people around you too that you’re pushing away for no valid reason.

I am judged, worst of it all, by you.

You may know a lot but you don’t know all.

NO ONE DOES.

You? Me?

Ouch
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                                              You?
                                               Me?
The best words in this planet that shouldn’t be put together by the conjunction ‘and’. Probably because such a thing does not exist nor does the universe fated it to be. But all my ‘what-ifs’ led me into thinking my life with you. I’m sorry that I like you. I’m sorry for what I feel. I don’t know. I want to stop it. I want to shed it off the weight of my heart but I can’t. This predicament is leading my soul to darkness. For every time I see you all happy with another, my body starts to collapse, unwilling shattering to thousands of specks.

I LIKE YOU.
DO YOU LIKE ME TOO?
Two sentences this mouth can never say. I’m afraid of rejection. I’m scared of resentment. I’m worried of awkwardness. I’m afraid. I’m terrified. I’m weak. This weakling is having the worst breakdown in her mind. WHY DO I LIKE YOU?
Can somebody tell me why?
Explain it. Explain. I can’t process things. I can’t understand. I am unable.

Days passed by, I started feeling your hatred and angst for me. I don’t know why or I can’t denote how. Please stop. If you can’t accept me, respect me as a person. Darling, you’re killing my heart. You’re killing my brain. You’re killing.
And you don’t even know what you are capable of.

Actions can kill. Words can kill.
Love made me experience it.
Love? Is it something worthwhile.
Before, when I think about love, I think of a bright red-colored heart.
Now, I see you, I see your hand holding mine. Is it real? Or is it just a dream? Tell me…

Maybe I’m dumb. Maybe I’m stupid, stupid for falling. I fell.
Where?
I fell on your presence.
Your form, your scent, your smile, your hair, they all linger in my system.
Why aren’t you going away?
Why?
Why do I feel this way?
Darling, darling may I call?

I love you. Is it too early to tell?
Is it?
Or do you not feel me?
I hate you. You’re damn stupid.
You?
Me?
Pardon, I am damn stupid.