I have written

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I have written you a poem
No, it’s not about the first time we met
No, it’s not the first time you made my heart skip a beat
No, it’s not about our moments together
But rather about how stupid I was for thinking you feel the same

I once heard that
Falling in love wasn’t the stupidest thing you could do
It was thinking that he or she felt the same way about you
It led me thinking of how my one single sentiment
Can etch my heart, my brain, my soul of your name

It still hurts to hear you
Say her name with a deafening smile
That smile used to send me warmth
But only when it used to be my name
Here I am again-assuming

I was thinking of you
Yet during those times she was in your mind
I do not want to intrude your personal thoughts
So I offered you my eerie silence
I hid my bare heart from you

After all, you were not to meant to stay
I thought I could have you for a long time
But you’re as free as the air
One minute, you are here
The second, you are gone

I have written this to tell you
That you have captured me and all
And though you cannot give me back the feelings I gave you
I would still rather be alone
Than to not have you with me at all

Windows to My Heart

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He’s from the North and I’m from South
His name sounds like an orchestra playing between my mouth
Yet we were too different, too split, and too diverse
I met him in this wide ungrateful universe

Kept my feelings hidden within my throat
Which made me feel like escaping from a sinking boat
I found him in the right time I needed
Whatever it is in me, they forbid

How do I un-love thee, my dear?
And I cannot for the heart of love is fear
I became to scared of the fact of him
Never being able to make me feel new and so I lost my beloved life hymn

It was as if the numbers of life directed me
To his path and somehow wish he’d see
How uncommon it is for me to be this way
At night, I close my eyes, and pray

And those prayers were mostly about his hue
For a while, I forgot that I was in the blue
He was red, red like the sun when it sets
While I was the pitch black sky after he sets

He was always a happy lad, if you were near him
I swear you’d get addicted with his bright beam
I just hope he knew or may be not
Ever a sad situation because of the unreciprocated love I got

He would greet me with the warmest salutation
It uplifts my soul from this world’s bitter sensation
Yes, I would stare at the window glass panes when he’s there
Little did he knew, his reflection is what they bear

I fell, fell so hard and so deep beneath the ground
All along I thought there were hands below to catch me and keep me sound
It was all in my head, all played well by my imagination and dream
But his name, his smile, him, my heart would still  scream

#I’ll spend my whole life hiding my heart away#

Barely

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My heart hurts

I know, so does yours

Thing is, you probably felt it before and this is the first time mine did

Periods when I can’t think straight

Periods when I don’t want to do a thing

I barely even make an effort on writing this


My brain hurts

I know, cause it’s who and what I am

Truth is, my thoughts are stabbing me and in this memory I fall and fall hopelessly

Moments when I can’t say a word

Moments when life could drag me around

I barely even rise from my bed


My eyes hurt

I know, it’s you who I see, no one else

It is, and I can’t seem to denote how to get you out

Visions of the first time I saw you

Visions of the day I just ruptured

I barely even see the light


My stomach hurts

I know,  my creatures can’t find any pollen

Fear is, losing something that was never yours but you thought it was, drip of thought

That feeling you get when you know you’re going to fall and you kept waiting for the impact

That feeling you get when a someone asks you out but then was just tripping with friends

I barely even eat since you decided to leave


All my organs hurt

I know, you know, both of us know, you did it; a criminal, a traitor, a swine

Hatred is, I hate myself, hate myself that I could never stop loving you

I assumed that you’ll come back and be here but I could hope forever, just hope

I assumed that time would heal my broken organs, organs that were meant for you to break, but it didn’t

I barely even, barely even at at all