What

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It was a lonely chilly night
And I didn’t want the company of bars and cheers
I wanted to listen to my own sound
I went outside to be alone 


In the right place, at the right moment
We talked, we conversed
And did awful lot of beautiful stuff
For me, I guess

There were moments of catching up
Telling random tales and whatnots
These were things we usually did
Ended up ending them and now here it starts

If memory is the scribe of the soul
Then music is the mirror of the soul
There were many commonalities between us
Thus defining our love for music that stills the world

We played a song and I couldn’t help but shake my arms a bit
It was my favorite tune of all
I didn’t tell you that ’cause it’s also yours
In the span of that minute I thought to myself it was a good night

I like how amazing things can get
Without me actually realizing any of this
The lights became clearer
My eyes finally have seen color

Yet I have this feeling crawling to my chest
Saying that there is something not right
Something that can weigh this beautiful night to the ground
It’s probably because the song we were playing was about to end

It was just a song in a million of other songs
There were more, probably better, probably catchier
It stung my backbone and gave it narrow chills
It’s quite difficult to be attached and to be detached quite too soon

I hope the song will continue playing not just any song
BUT THE SONG
He swiped up and pressed that circular arrow and tapped it twice
“Now, it’s on repeat” and gave a smile

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Let Me

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Trying to invite love into ourselves
Is like trying to cross a tight rope on top of deep water
When you fail to balance yourself, you’ll fall
And so you continuously dive in the air

Trying to love someone
Is diving into a small narrow dark hole
There’s no visionaries available
But you still make the jump

Trying to think you have a shot at love
Is like riding a car sinking into the ocean
It will cut your breath and drown you
You won’t be able to get out of it.

So if this is love, why do we still fall?
If we knew we’re only going to be hurt
Why do we do it? Why do we still strive for it?
What’s with love anyways?

Love, in its old-fashioned way, makes us strong
When we love, we learn to fight for something
That we want to last forever
Even if the universe forbids

Love is much more than just liking someone who is likable
We care and give it to imperfect people
And we still love them despite their flaws
And you know what? It makes us feel alive

Falling in love is scary, full of danger
It won’t always beget the things we expect
It will fall under our expectations
Some are just lucky

What I’ve learned from that boy is that
It’s fun to walk on a tight rope
It’s so great to dive into a dark hole
It’s okay to stay in a sinking car

Because for the first time, I don’t need permission to love
I don’t need reassurance
Because me loving is a judgment of my character
Not anyone else’s

When I jump off that cliff because of love
Not knowing if there will be a cushion of reciprocated love beneath
I should be okay
I believe I’d do fine

When I fall restlessly, the air will be flowing against me
That feeling will be very relaxing and I would never feel the same gush of risk ever again
When I fall to the bottom whether it be cushioned or not
I’d be okay because for one, the wind was rising because of me

I have written

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I have written you a poem
No, it’s not about the first time we met
No, it’s not the first time you made my heart skip a beat
No, it’s not about our moments together
But rather about how stupid I was for thinking you feel the same

I once heard that
Falling in love wasn’t the stupidest thing you could do
It was thinking that he or she felt the same way about you
It led me thinking of how my one single sentiment
Can etch my heart, my brain, my soul of your name

It still hurts to hear you
Say her name with a deafening smile
That smile used to send me warmth
But only when it used to be my name
Here I am again-assuming

I was thinking of you
Yet during those times she was in your mind
I do not want to intrude your personal thoughts
So I offered you my eerie silence
I hid my bare heart from you

After all, you were not to meant to stay
I thought I could have you for a long time
But you’re as free as the air
One minute, you are here
The second, you are gone

I have written this to tell you
That you have captured me and all
And though you cannot give me back the feelings I gave you
I would still rather be alone
Than to not have you with me at all

Hold

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There was something about you
The first time my eyes gazed upon you
I knew for sure what I’d  truly feel about you
“I wouldn’t like you”

A month has passed and still that’s what I felt about you
But then on a certain situation
You quickly grabbed my hand
And I unconsciously grabbed your hand back

I don’t know why
Yet at first I hated the feeling of your hand against mine
Time passed and I felt fine with it
And when our hands parted, it’s like I wanted more

You said something about what I wore that night
I thought it was a compliment
I hope you knew you complimented me
Because of that, I smiled all the way home

You made me smile
You made me laugh
And I misjudged you
You were something all this time

You held my hand again
You gave me a high-5
I wasn’t even asking for it
But you did and the thought of you makes me glad

But you suddenly left
Like nothing happened that night
We had fun, we told stories
AND YOU LEFT ME THINKING

WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU?

You stopped talking to me
And you broke my heart
In a blink of an eye
That was it…

All I could hope for is the best
Please tell me how you truly feel
Don’t suffocate me with your dead silence
Say it’s me all along

Say you want to hang out again
Say you want to hear me say your name
Say you will never break me
Say you think me

This is it
I will never ask anything from you
Just tell me
Was it all nothing to you?

 

 

Move, Forget, Pursue

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It had been a week
That I’ve felt so meek

He had me in his smile

An asset which is so beguile
I’ve placed my time and effort

Up until I can take it to court

I’ve placed my energy that cease 

Which now just mere fantasies 
We’ve had our moment

You’ve earned my acknowledgment 

That’s that and it’s over

Left like the Mar’s rover
I have to get out

Roam round and about

Just to run, just to move

I need to find my new groove
Each time I close my eyes

A clear image of him defies

My thought are his

Someone I’ll truly miss 
I’m moving on, trying to

The pain is yours to sue

Probably now I’ve wrote you

Tons of poems about my blue
I’m sorry but I have to forget

It’s time to have my mind set

Clearly, there’ll be no us

All we ever had was a fuss!
Even if our lives meet again

My feelings have to be bargained

I have to control myself

A true blessing to oneself
I have to even if it hurts

Still my pen your name blurts 

Recalling your name

Is making me to be blame
Now it’s over, done!

My lapses of chances will be gone

I’d have to pursue someone else

I’d have to achieve something else

It is wrong

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I fell, yes I really did
Not off a plight of stairs, not off a cliff
I fell for him and he did so as well
We fell together, not in love, but apart

So I liked him and he did too
But the time, the situation, the people
They are like scissors ripping our attached strings
We were in love but there are things to let go

He was tied, tied to a vow he made years ago 
I was tied to anxiety to never share what I feel
Too scared, too late, too sorrowful
And our ways became parallel, never again to meet

He loved me and I loved him back
Some say it's what truly matters
Most say we were wrong
Like love is a curse for people

Some things are forever if we fought for them 
But we didn't even look, didn't even try
Maybe some love weren't meant to be fought for
True love can also be letting go, love is patient 

He loved me, I loved him too
Others maybe against it
Yet I'll continue to love him 
Even when he could feel like a stranger

I'll keep this love with my soul
Every silent breath of mine whispers his name
I'll keep this love to myself
Every dream of mine will be a secret

Though I may find others to live with
Others whom I can marry and hold hands with
I'll continue loving you, yes, you
And I'll wait and wait until my last breath

When I wake up in after life 
You'd be there, promise you'll be
We'd be happy for we are together
When it would be okay to actually be

 


 *Turns out we weren't wrong for all we did was love

To the guy who’s never gonna reciprocate the love I have for

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Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh 1-pink-rose-robert-thomaston.jpg

I swear I was destined to be wrong again

My heart kept beating loudly as a car’s siren

I was gasping for air, I couldn’t breathe

A numb sensation covered me but there were gnashing teeth

I fell, and everything that falls break

As soon as I loved you, the world’s at stake

You changed everything, you deliberately forced it to happen

Nights are grown,days are shorten

I knew for sure what I felt was real

But you struck me in my chest, took my heart out

Squeezed all the blood from it and placed it back

Maybe I’m still breathing but you killed me

You didn’t do it once, you did it everyday when I wake up

I continually sensed the pain

I abstained your action cause I love you

Even when you don’t love me  back

Now that we’re off to our own lives

You can easily throw me away like a speck of dust on your shoulder

While I continue to wail about my feelings

Yet one question kept me up all night

Do you love me too?

Just imagine the regret if you did so too.