Scared

 I meet dangers upon my way
as visible as the night that is

I am constantly being kept awake
adhering to some notions that would not
benefit me, maybe it would but I don’t feel it

It’s terrible. It makes me terrible.
I am terrible. My finger cannot
pinpoint any culprit as to any
hideous crime but myself.
It’s completely impeccable yet
it’s making me die.

I’m dying every second but
no one knows. No one knows
because no one cares. I have
given up all my cares and
now I finally have none.

Should I make a poem for you?
Or would it be an habitual gag?
I’m sorry but honestly I’m scared
Scared and worried because of nothing

I’m so scared I might lose you
Yet I’m so scared to lose myself
But when I weigh us both in my heart
I would always, always, pick you

Days will pass, our footsteps will part
My feelings? Oh, they’re irrelevant as time
The only way it could be strong and vital
Is for a tiny drip of your feelings too

I’m falling and falling and falling
I thought it was falling in love
But it turned out to be falling out of love
Because you never loved me and I’m scared

I’m scared because I was so ready
I’m scared because I feel like my lungs are stopping
I’m scared because you’re not here
Yet most of all, I’m scared of letting you go

And it continues to haunt me

To the guy who’s never gonna reciprocate the love I have for

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh 

I swear I was destined to be wrong again

My heart kept beating loudly as a car’s siren

I was gasping for air, I couldn’t breathe

A numb sensation covered me but there were gnashing teeth

I fell, and everything that falls break

As soon as I loved you, the world’s at stake

You changed everything, you deliberately forced it to happen

Nights are grown,days are shorten

I knew for sure what I felt was real

But you struck me in my chest, took my heart out

Squeezed all the blood from it and placed it back

Maybe I’m still breathing but you killed me

You didn’t do it once, you did it everyday when I wake up

I continually sensed the pain

I abstained your action cause I love you

Even when you don’t love me  back

Now that we’re off to our own lives

You can easily throw me away like a speck of dust on your shoulder

While I continue to wail about my feelings

Yet one question kept me up all night

Do you love me too?

Just imagine the regret if you did so too.

Tingle Bingle

(c) TUMBLR

Your eyes covered by those thick frames

Can see past my soul and through my heart

Your hair, the way they stay that way 

I’d think of it until you planned to shave them off

I can’t look you in the eye

Or else I’ll end up looking down smiling

 I can’t stay calm knowing you’re around

My nerves are crazy, hyped and energetic

By the way you smile, I just feel so light

Like all my problems floated with their wings

If only I could see you smile everyday

I’d live on that moment forever

My first tingle bingle and you’re the bingo

How did it ever start to be this way?

I never expected this to happen

Never knew it would be you

I like you how I like saying the word ‘like’

You’re on my mind like butter on toast

Your warm touch is something I’m searching for

But… do you like me too?

It’s hard to ask because it’s hard to know

Scared of hearing ‘no’, surprised of hearing ‘yes’

When could it be? When could we be?

We? It’s a dream, a crazy metaphoric dream

If we ever had a song, I’d name it ‘You’

You are my harmony, you are my rhyme

You keep my rhythm not in blues

You complete my music staff

Cheesy? Don’t worry I hate cheese

But I like the words ‘stuff’ and ‘food’… foodstuffs!

We can binge on some popcorn

While also binging on some film 

Tell me it’s not just me and my stupid fantasy

Is there a tiny gap for me in your heart

Or is it just me?

I don’t like that

Barely

My heart hurts

I know, so does yours

Thing is, you probably felt it before and this is the first time mine did

Periods when I can’t think straight

Periods when I don’t want to do a thing

I barely even make an effort on writing this

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My brain hurts

I know, cause it’s who and what I am

Truth is, my thoughts are stabbing me and in this memory I fall and fall hopelessly

Moments when I can’t say a word

Moments when life could drag me around

I barely even rise from my bed

---

My eyes hurt

I know, it’s you who I see, no one else

It is, and I can’t seem to denote how to get you out

Visions of the first time I saw you

Visions of the day I just ruptured

I barely even see the light

---

My stomach hurts

I know,  my creatures can’t find any pollen

Fear is, losing something that was never yours but you thought it was, drip of thought

That feeling you get when you know you’re going to fall and you kept waiting for the impact

That feeling you get when a someone asks you out but then was just tripping with friends

I barely even eat since you decided to leave

---

All my organs hurt

I know, you know, both of us know, you did it; a criminal, a traitor, a swine

Hatred is, I hate myself, hate myself that I could never stop loving you

I assumed that you’ll come back and be here but I could hope forever, just hope

I assumed that time would heal my broken organs, organs that were meant for you to break, but it didn’t

I barely even, barely even at at all